{"id":70,"date":"2018-10-23T14:28:12","date_gmt":"2018-10-23T14:28:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/danielvlopes238992071.wordpress.com\/2018\/10\/23\/stop-asking-these-4-questions-during-your-one-on-one-meetings\/"},"modified":"2025-02-27T18:47:31","modified_gmt":"2025-02-28T02:47:31","slug":"stop-asking-these-4-one-on-one-meeting-questions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/2018\/10\/23\/stop-asking-these-4-one-on-one-meeting-questions\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop asking these 4 questions during your one-on-one meetings"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

If you\u2019re wondering why your one-on-one meetings tend to feel unfruitful, these questions might be the culprit.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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Looking at the clock. Staring into the distance. Short, nondescript answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A CEO recently told me how he\u2019d frequently see this body language from an employee during their one-on-one meetings. Flat. Disinterested. Preoccupied. It felt lousy to witness, but it\u2019d always been this way. He\u2019d silently concluded that he was wasting both of their time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI want to know what\u2019s on his mind and how I can help, but these one-on-one meetings just aren\u2019t working,\u201d this CEO admitted to me. \u201cI\u2019m not really sure what to do except to stop having them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To see if I could help, I asked him what questions he was asking. He shared them with me\u2026 and then it clicked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The once hazy picture zoomed into focus: This CEO was asking the wrong questions. All of his questions were common<\/em> questions, no doubt. But therein lay the problem. Stock questions might be effective once or twice. But ask them during every one-on-one, every week, and over time, and the effectiveness of the question erodes. The person grows sick of answering the question. Or she doesn\u2019t think you really care to know the answer anymore. Before too long, she starts looking at the clock, staring into the distance, and giving you those short, nondescript answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To avoid this, you\u2019ll want to avoid the routine questions you lean on. Below are the four most common questions I\u2019ve found used during one-on-one meetings that elicit dead-end, unhelpful responses. Take a look and see which ones you might be asking:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#1: \u201cHow\u2019s it going?\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Ah, the perennial one-on-one meeting opener. It seems<\/em> like a solid way to break the ice<\/a> and initiate a one-on-one meeting. Yet it\u2019s unusual that you ever get an answer other than \u201cFine\u201d or \u201cGood\u201d in response. While someone might truly be fine and good in reality (which is great!)\u2026 the conversation usually stops there. Anything personal you wanted to learn, any sense of rapport you wanted to create dies with the question, \u201cHow\u2019s it going?\u201d This is because, as a society, the question \u201cHow\u2019s it going?\u201d has become our automatic greeting to each other, so our answer to it has become just as automatic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What should you ask instead?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re looking for a casual, open-ended way to kick off a one-on-one, ask \u201cHow\u2019s life?<\/strong>\u201d instead. It may not seem like a big difference, but it makes a big difference. \u201cHow\u2019s life?\u201d gives permission for someone to talk more personally about life<\/em>\u200a\u2014\u200aabout what they did that weekend, how their family is doing, how their personal side project is coming along, how they\u2019re managing their workload. \u201cHow\u2019s life?\u201d invites the other person to elaborate. Though, quite frankly, almost any other opening question than \u201cHow\u2019s it going?\u201d to going to help you learn more about how someone is doing in their life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\nLooking for more detailed guidance on one-on-one meetings?<\/strong>\nMake sure to check out our 1:1 module in Canopy.\n<\/div>\n
\nLearn more<\/a>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

#2: \u201cWhat\u2019s the latest on __?\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It can be tempting to use your one-on-one session as time to get caught up on what\u2019s going on. However, keep in mind that this completely squanders the purpose of your one-on-one meeting, to begin with. A one-on-one meeting isn\u2019t a reporting session. It\u2019s not an accountability tool. A one-on-one meeting is your radar. It\u2019s your metal detector. It\u2019s one of the only ways you have to unearth what\u2019s actually going on in your team, and what an employee is thinking and feeling. You can get a list of deliverables in Slack any ol\u2019 time. Client problems, unforeseen issues with the product, messy team dynamics, unspoken personal frustration\u200a\u2014\u200athis is only time you\u2019ll get to hear that stuff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of you may be thinking, \u201cWell, Claire, asking this question has<\/em> helped me get good insights into the team\u2019s problems.\u201d Yes, I\u2019m with you. This question \u201cWhat\u2019s the latest on X?\u201d can be great if you\u2019re using it to segue into asking deeper questions. For example, perhaps you follow it up with, \u201cWhat\u2019s most frustrating about how X has been going so far?\u201d Or, \u201cWhere do you feel you need more support in working on X?\u201d Merely asking \u201cWhat\u2019s the latest on X?\u201d falls flat if you use it singularly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What should you ask instead?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Ask something specific about the project, instead of asking for a general project update. Possibly my favorite question to ask to instead of \u201cWhat\u2019s the latest on X?\u201d is \u201cCan you tell me about what\u2019s been most surprising about working on X so far?<\/strong>\u201d If an employee has found something surprising, good chances that you\u2019ll find it surprising too. A surprising insight is always useful for you to form an accurate picture of potential issues bubbling up within your team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#3: \u201cHow can I help you?\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The intention of this question is fantastic. You want to help, you want to get out of their way, you want to figure out what you can be doing better. However, this question is the worst way to signal that. Why? It\u2019s lazy<\/a>. It makes the person receiving the question do all the hard work of having to come up with the answer. It\u2019s also a very hard question to answer, especially on-the-spot and given that you\u2019re a person in a position of power. You\u2019re asking a person to critique you, \u201cThe Boss,\u201d across all spectrums and come up with something actionable for you<\/em> to do. If you do ask this question, answers tend to be, \u201cNothing I can think of right now,\u201d something vague, or an answer that involves something that you\u2019re already doing. Rarely do you get a precise, thoughtful to-do that you\u2019ll then go implement the next day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What should you ask instead?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Suggest something you<\/em> think you can be doing to help. Then ask, \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d For example: \u201cI was thinking I\u2019m being too hands-on on this project. Should I back off and check-in with you only bi-weekly? What do you think?<\/strong>\u201d By being targeted in what you suggest\u200a\u2014\u200aand suggesting it yourself\u200a<\/em>\u2014\u200ayou make it easier for that person to share the exact ways in which you can support them. You help your employees by suggesting what you<\/em> think you can do to help, first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#4: \u201cHow can we improve?\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

This is the vaguest of questions. The problem with vague questions is they invite vague answers. You prompt the person to offer broad suppositions and knee-jerk assumptions, instead of exact details and practical examples. Ask an employee \u201cHow can we improve?\u201d and they think, \u201cHmm, from a business development perspective? Marketing perspective? Leadership perspective? Where to even begin?\u201d Now, some employees you work with will be able to craft a distinct, rich answer from this question. But it\u2019s infrequent. And it\u2019s probable they spent a good chunk of time thinking about the answer ahead of time. For most employees who you ask this question to without any warning, you\u2019ll receive a variant of \u201cI think things are pretty good right now\u201d about 90% of the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What should you ask instead?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Focus your efforts on asking specific questions<\/a>, instead of defaulting to general ones. For instance: \u201cWhat do you think is the most overlooked area of the business?<\/strong>\u201d or \u201cWhere do you think we\u2019re behind in, that other companies are excelling at?\u201d<\/strong> Notice how specific each of these questions is. The more specific the question, the more effective they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may have cringed while reading this list. Many of you (including myself!) have found yourself asking all four questions, at one time or another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No need to panic or be hard on yourself. You haven\u2019t inflicted irreparable harm to your team. Your sins are not unforgivable. Rather, I hope sharing the unintended consequences of these four questions nudges you to evaluate the questions you ask during your one-on-one meetings a little more closely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The questions do the heavy lifting. The questions determine the path to which your one-on-one meetings will take. Ask thoughtful, sincere questions, and there\u2019s a higher likelihood your answers returned back to you will be thoughtful and sincere too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For a deeper dive, be sure to check out our \u201cHow to Run Effective One-on-One Meetings<\/a>\u201d module in Canopy. The first few lessons are free \u2013 as are hundreds of daily tips. Try Canopy<\/a><\/em> for free, yourself, today.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\nLooking for more detailed guidance on one-on-one meetings?<\/strong>\nMake sure to check out our 1:1 module in Canopy.\n<\/div>\n
\nLearn more<\/a>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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