{"id":56,"date":"2018-10-24T10:24:15","date_gmt":"2018-10-24T10:24:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/danielvlopes238992071.wordpress.com\/2018\/10\/24\/the-leadership-mistake-youre-likely-making-being-nice\/"},"modified":"2024-07-12T12:38:24","modified_gmt":"2024-07-12T19:38:24","slug":"the-leadership-mistake-youre-likely-making-being-nice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/2018\/10\/24\/the-leadership-mistake-youre-likely-making-being-nice\/","title":{"rendered":"The leadership mistake you\u2019re likely making? Being nice."},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-why-being-nice-as-a-leader-backfires-and-what-to-do-instead\">Why being nice as a leader backfires\u200a\u2014\u200aand what to do&nbsp;instead.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/blog.knowyourteam.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/289e2-1y8gpqz8we871lrp3y1gxsa.jpeg\" alt=\"\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Leaders, stop being so nice all the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I don\u2019t mean to sound like an asshole. But when it comes to leadership, it\u2019s true: Prioritizing \u201cbeing nice\u201d keeps us from being good leaders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now I\u2019m not advocating for us to be mean. Disrespectful or dismissive leaders help no one. Rather, I\u2019m calling for us as leaders to loosen our grip on \u201cbeing nice.\u201d To stop wanting our team to like us all the time. To let go of the expectation that every single interaction with our team should feel good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Truth is, our team <em>isn\u2019t<\/em> going to like us all the time. Our team <em>isn\u2019t<\/em> going to feel good all the time. And trying to be nice to everyone all the time isn\u2019t going to change that. Nor is it actually helpful for your team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When we\u2019re preoccupied with seeming popular instead of fair, when we optimize for pleasant conversations instead of honest ones\u200a\u2014\u200awe <em>hurt<\/em> our teams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was reminded of this most recently while engaging with our online community here at <a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/?utm_source=blog&amp;utm_medium=post&amp;utm_campaign=leadership-mistake-being-nice\">Canopy<\/a>. One manager revealed he was facing this exact dilemma. He was seen as \u201cThe Nice Guy\u201d in his company, always complementary, never critical. As a result, he was struggling how to start giving his team difficult feedback\u200a\u2014\u200aand his team was floundering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He\u2019s not the only one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Have you ever found yourself in one of these situations?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>You avoided giving tough feedback to a coworker\u2026 and now the person has made even bigger mistakes than you previously imagined.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You didn\u2019t tell someone that you disagreed with them\u2026 and now you have to figure out how to course-correct without blindsiding the person.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You postponed firing someone\u2026 and now have to do damage control for the low morale they infused throughout the team.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You said something was \u201cgreat!\u201d even though it actually wasn\u2019t\u2026 and now you have to fix the level of quality for what was produced.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Many of us focus on \u201cbeing nice\u201d as a leader more than we should. And we pay a price for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Hiten Shah, founder of Kissmetrics and Crazy Egg, emphasized this point to me, <a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/podcast\/episode-24-interview-with-hiten-shah-founder-of-kissmetrics-crazyegg-fyi-and-product-habits\/?utm_source=blog&amp;utm_medium=post&amp;utm_campaign=leadership-mistake-being-nice\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">in a recent interview<\/a>. He warned that when you\u2019re concerned with being nice all the time, \u201cthere\u2019s a level of toxic culture that develops that\u2019s hard to see, especially on a remote team.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Prioritizing \u201cnice\u201d as a leader is an easy trap to fall into. Being nice fits into our desire for belonging and companionship as humans. We\u2019re social creatures. We want to be liked. Inherently, there is nothing wrong with that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But \u201cbeing nice\u201d becomes problematic when it becomes your rudder as a leader. It leads you astray. You lose sight of your purpose as a leader: To help your team accomplish a specific mission. Your barometer for success as a leader morphs from \u201c<em>Are we accomplishing our mission?<\/em>\u201d into \u201c<em>What does the team thinks of me?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Over time, \u201cbeing nice\u201d becomes your crutch. It\u2019s a convenient rationalization to avoid hard decisions, uncomfortable conversations, and controversial actions. It\u2019s easier to \u201cbe nice\u201d than it is to have tell someone to their face that they\u2019re rubbing a client or colleague the wrong way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ultimately, being nice as a leader is selfish. It doesn\u2019t serve the team. It serves your ego. The team is looking to you to help them achieve a goal. And instead, you\u2019re looking to have your decisions, actions, and yourself perceived as positive by them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A leader is the only person\u2019s whose sole job is help a team achieve the outcome they want to achieve. When you care about \u201cbeing nice,\u201d you\u2019re essentially saying, \u201cThe needs of my team as a whole don\u2019t matter as much as their perception of me as an individual.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead of seeking to be nice, we should seek to be honest, rigorous, and consistent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Or even better, we can seek to be nice <em>and<\/em> honest, nice <em>and<\/em> rigorous, nice <em>and <\/em>consistent. One of my favorite books, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-Second\/dp\/1469266822\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" data-href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-Second\/dp\/1469266822\">Crucial Conversations<\/a>, discusses how being nice and being honest are not mutually exclusive. You can be <em>both<\/em>. The best leaders embrace this duality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let\u2019s just stop being so damn focused on being <em>only<\/em> nice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>\ud83d\udc99\u00a0<em>Our software\u00a0<\/em><strong><em>helps you <a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/m\/training?utm_source=blog&amp;utm_medium=post&amp;utm_campaign=leadership-mistake-being-nice\">nail the fundamentals of leadership<\/a>:<\/em><\/strong><em>\u00a0We help you\u00a0<\/em><strong><em>run\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/m\/tools\/one_on_ones?utm_source=blog&amp;utm_medium=post&amp;utm_campaign=leadership-mistake-being-nice\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong><em>effective one-on-one meetings<\/em><\/strong><\/a><strong><em>, get\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/m\/training_modules\/5-the-feedback-loop?utm_source=blog&amp;utm_medium=post&amp;utm_campaign=leadership-mistake-being-nice\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong><em>honest feedback<\/em><\/strong><\/a><strong><em>, share\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/m\/tools\/heartbeats?utm_source=blog&amp;utm_medium=post&amp;utm_campaign=leadership-mistake-being-nice\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong><em>team progress<\/em><\/strong><\/a><strong><em>, and\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/m\/training_modules\/3-building-trust-in-a-team?utm_source=blog&amp;utm_medium=post&amp;utm_campaign=leadership-mistake-being-nice\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong><em>build team rapport<\/em><\/strong><\/a><strong><em>.<\/em><\/strong><em>\u00a0Try\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/m\/pricing?utm_source=blog&amp;utm_medium=post&amp;utm_campaign=leadership-mistake-being-nice\">Canopy<\/a> to find your own answer, as a leader, today.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"newsletter-post-form-container\">\n  <h3>Never miss a post \u2013&nbsp;get our latest leadership insights, as they&#8217;re released&#8230;<\/h3>\n\n<iframe src=\"https:\/\/newsletter.canopy.is\/embed\" width=\"850\" height=\"150\" style=\"border:1px solid #EEE; background:white;\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe>\n<\/div>\n<br\/>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n<h3 class=\"crp-list-title\">You might also enjoy reading&#8230;<\/h3><ul class=\"crp-list\"><li class=\"crp-list-item crp-list-item-image-above crp-list-item-has-image\"><div class=\"crp-list-item-image\"><a href=\"https:\/\/knowyourteam.com\/blog\/2017\/06\/23\/kill-the-culture-of-nice-this-is-how-you-create-a-positive-work-environment\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-pin-nopin=\"true\" style=\"max-width: 50px; height: auto;\" width=\"50\" height=\"50\" src=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/7cf9a-1_u4imvcv8wy684eyfsrdmg-150x150.png\" class=\"attachment-50x50 size-50x50 wp-post-image\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a><\/div><div class=\"crp-list-item-title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/knowyourteam.com\/blog\/2017\/06\/23\/kill-the-culture-of-nice-this-is-how-you-create-a-positive-work-environment\/\">Kill the culture of \u201cnice\u201d: This is how you create a positive work environment<\/a><\/div><\/li><li class=\"crp-list-item crp-list-item-image-above crp-list-item-has-image\"><div class=\"crp-list-item-image\"><a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/2019\/02\/28\/the-9-leadership-mistakes-you-dont-know-youre-making-as-a-new-manager\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-pin-nopin=\"true\" style=\"max-width: 50px; height: auto;\" width=\"50\" height=\"50\" src=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/9-mistakes-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-50x50 size-50x50 wp-post-image\" alt=\"9 mistakes to avoid\" \/><\/a><\/div><div class=\"crp-list-item-title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/2019\/02\/28\/the-9-leadership-mistakes-you-dont-know-youre-making-as-a-new-manager\/\">The 9 leadership mistakes you don&#8217;t know you&#8217;re making as a new manager<\/a><\/div><\/li><li class=\"crp-list-item crp-list-item-image-above crp-list-item-has-image\"><div class=\"crp-list-item-image\"><a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/2019\/02\/13\/the-anti-mentor-how-a-bad-boss-influences-our-leadership-style\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-pin-nopin=\"true\" style=\"max-width: 50px; height: auto;\" width=\"50\" height=\"50\" src=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/anti-hero-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-50x50 size-50x50 wp-post-image\" alt=\"The Anti-Hero\" \/><\/a><\/div><div class=\"crp-list-item-title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/2019\/02\/13\/the-anti-mentor-how-a-bad-boss-influences-our-leadership-style\/\">The Anti-Mentor:  How a bad boss influences our leadership style<\/a><\/div><\/li><li class=\"crp-list-item crp-list-item-image-above crp-list-item-has-image\"><div class=\"crp-list-item-image\"><a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/2019\/01\/15\/how-to-become-a-good-new-manager\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-pin-nopin=\"true\" style=\"max-width: 50px; height: auto;\" width=\"50\" height=\"50\" src=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Mindset-150x150.png\" class=\"attachment-50x50 size-50x50 wp-post-image\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a><\/div><div class=\"crp-list-item-title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/2019\/01\/15\/how-to-become-a-good-new-manager\/\">The Mindset Shift: How to become a good new manager<\/a><\/div><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><a href=\"http:\/\/knowyourteam.com\/?utm_source=blog&amp;utm_medium=banner&amp;utm_content=footer\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"2516\" height=\"944\" src=\"https:\/\/knowyourteam.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/CleanShot-2023-02-09-at-19.36.32@2x.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-7971\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why being nice as a leader backfires\u200a\u2014\u200aand what to do&nbsp;instead. Leaders, stop being so nice all the time. I don\u2019t mean to sound like an asshole. But when it comes to leadership, it\u2019s true: Prioritizing \u201cbeing nice\u201d keeps us from being good leaders. Now I\u2019m not advocating for us to be mean. Disrespectful or dismissive&hellip; <\/p>\n<p><a class=\"moretag\" href=\"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/2018\/10\/24\/the-leadership-mistake-youre-likely-making-being-nice\/\">Read the full article<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":58,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","filesize_raw":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[101],"tags":[27,43,44,50,76,105],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v20.1 (Yoast SEO v22.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The leadership mistake you\u2019re likely making? 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