{"id":537,"date":"2017-07-06T20:52:36","date_gmt":"2017-07-06T20:52:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/danielvlopes238992071.wordpress.com\/2017\/07\/06\/how-to-handle-negative-feedback-we-dont-want-to-hear\/"},"modified":"2025-02-28T13:43:03","modified_gmt":"2025-02-28T21:43:03","slug":"how-to-handle-negative-feedback-we-dont-want-to-hear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/2017\/07\/06\/how-to-handle-negative-feedback-we-dont-want-to-hear\/","title":{"rendered":"How to handle negative feedback we don\u2019t want to hear"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Keep this one thing in mind when you\u2019re given negative feedback in the workplace.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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What happens when someone tells you something you don\u2019t want to hear?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hearing something negative about yourself is a hard thing to swallow. Especially when you disagree with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ll never forget when this happened to me most vividly about four years ago. I sat down to get coffee with a mentor of mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To my surprise, she expressed how she was disappointed in my lack of follow-through with two people she had introduced me to. Then she said this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cBecause of that, Claire, you come across as\u00a0fake.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Ouch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I felt my stomach flip. I felt my temperature rise. I knew I had followed up with them. And I knew I wasn\u2019t a fake person. Should I say that? Should I defend myself?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, as silly as it sounds, I breathed in. Then I counted, 1\u20132\u20133. And then I breathed out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I realized that regardless of what I<\/em> believed to be the truth, what she told me was true to her<\/em>. And that\u2019s what mattered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is always<\/em> a reason that someone chooses to believe something is true. It\u2019s not as though she (or her contacts) was crazy or delusional. There had to be a reason.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After all, it could be pointing to a larger issue\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe she was right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe this was a sign that I was taking on too many meetings. Maybe I was brushing people off. Maybe I was caught up in the \u201cgo go go, gotta keep moving,\u201d and that I wasn\u2019t investing the time and thoughtful consideration with each person I spoke with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe I was<\/em> coming across as fake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even though I know I\u2019d followed up with her contacts, that wasn\u2019t the point. The point was that I had a real opportunity to learn, change, and improve. It\u2019s not about what\u2019s true to me. It\u2019s about what\u2019s true to her.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So instead of trying to change her mind\u200a\u2014\u200ainstead of trying to change what was true to her\u200a\u2014\u200aI decided to try to change my own<\/em> behavior. I didn\u2019t want to spend energy getting worked up, being defensive. I wanted to use that same energy to become better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I told her that I was sorry. Really sorry. That I thought I had followed-up. But that it didn\u2019t matter either way. I told her that her feedback caused me to reflect on how I was treating and handling each interaction I\u2019ve had. I was determined to do things differently moving forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve touched base since then, and it\u2019s been rewarding to reflect on how much I\u2019ve improved, even just a few weeks after that conversation happened. I immediately started investing more energy and thoughtfulness into every meeting I scheduled, every conversation I had. I meticulously tripled-check my follow-through on things I\u2019ve promised to others. Years later, to this day, her words stick with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Looking back, I\u2019m grateful I fought my urge to rebut her feedback in that moment. If I hadn\u2019t, there\u2019s no way I would\u2019ve changed my actions for the better as quickly as I did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep this in mind the next time someone gives you feedback you disagree with: It doesn\u2019t matter if what they\u2019re saying true to you\u200a\u2014\u200awhat matters is that it\u2019s true to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The sooner you recognize that, the sooner you\u2019ll benefit from it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For a deeper dive, be sure to check out our \u201cFeedback Loop<\/a>\u201d module in Canopy. The first few lessons are free \u2013 as are hundreds of daily tips. Try\u00a0Canopy<\/a><\/em>\u00a0for free, yourself, today.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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