{"id":478,"date":"2017-12-02T09:11:01","date_gmt":"2017-12-02T09:11:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/danielvlopes238992071.wordpress.com\/2017\/12\/02\/why-we-dismiss-negative-employee-feedback\/"},"modified":"2023-02-09T20:11:46","modified_gmt":"2023-02-10T04:11:46","slug":"why-we-dismiss-negative-employee-feedback","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/2017\/12\/02\/why-we-dismiss-negative-employee-feedback\/","title":{"rendered":"Why we dismiss negative employee feedback"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Three fallacies that get in the way of taking constructive feedback. Here\u2019s how by recognizing them, we can overcome them.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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My stomach dropped. My face flushed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I thought to myself: \u201cNo way that\u2019s true!\u201d and \u201cNo way that\u2019s me\u2026\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Those were my physical and mental reactions when an acquaintance gave me some feedback a few years ago. (She told me I had \u201ccome across as fake<\/a>\u201d to her\u2026 Ouch!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My first instinct was to completely dismiss her feedback.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now looking back, I wonder\u2026 Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why was my first instinct to push this feedback away? Why was I so quick to say it wasn\u2019t true or that it didn\u2019t matter?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Simply put: We hate criticism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anything negative, anything critical\u200a\u2014\u200awe fear it. We resist, push back, and build a wall around ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, as humans, our brains are hardwired to resist negative feedback. Research<\/a> show how our brains hold onto negative memories longer than positive ones\u200a\u2014\u200aso the negative stuff always hurts more. We\u2019re more upset about losing $50 than gaining $50\u2026 It\u2019s the same when it comes to feedback. When we hear something negative, it sticks with us more than when someone tells us something positive about ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our distaste for negative feedback is so strong that further research shows we drop people in our network who tell us things we don\u2019t want to hear. In a recent study<\/a> with 300 full-time employees, researchers found that people moved away from colleagues who provided negative feedback. Instead, they chose to seek out interactions with people who only affirmed their positive qualities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fascinating, right? In other words, whether or not we intend to, we seem to insulate ourselves away from any potential negative self-image of ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To be honest, it sounds like quite a self-absorbed way to live: To seek out only those who tell you what you want to hear. To never have the humility to want to learn, adjust, improve and become better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How did we get like this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some psychologists<\/a> suggest that we associate negative feedback with criticism received in school or from our parents growing up, and that\u2019s what prevents us from hearing negative feedback.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Personally, I\u2019ve found three fallacies <\/strong>in my own head that get in the way of me being receptive to negative feedback\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. I\u2019m a perfectionist. <\/strong>I expect myself to be good at everything. So when I hear negative feedback about myself, it conflicts with what I think is true\u2026 and it makes me push the feedback away.<\/li>
  2. I don\u2019t trust the other person.<\/strong> I\u2019m skeptical of the person who gave me the feedback. What was her intention? Does she really have the full story? Perhaps she just misinterpreted things?<\/em> So I disregard the feedback, as a result.<\/li>
  3. I conflate behavior with identity.<\/strong> I interpret the feedback as an assessment my sense of self-worth. \u201cIf I\u2019m seen as fake by someone, that must mean I\u2019m a bad person.<\/em>\u201d It\u2019s hurtful to think about this, so I choose to ignore the feedback.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    These knee-jerk reactions are the foundation for the wall I start to build around me when I hear negative feedback.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    To knock down this wall, and make sure my mind and heart is open to receiving criticism, I keep these three fallacies in mind. When someone gives me negative feedback, I ask myself\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    1. Am I being a perfectionist? <\/em><\/strong>Are my perfectionist tendencies getting in the way of hearing something worth learning from this feedback?<\/em><\/li>
    2. Am I distrustful of the other person? <\/em><\/strong>Am I resisting this feedback simply because of my relationship with this person, or what I perceive her or his intentions to be?<\/em><\/li>
    3. Am I conflating behavior with identity? <\/em><\/strong>Am I shutting out this feedback because I\u2019m projecting this feedback onto my sense of self-worth?<\/em><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

      Take a moment to sit and marinate on these questions. They may uncover why you tend to isolate yourself from feedback. This understanding of why<\/em> you dismiss feedback is the first step to making sure you\u2019re hearing all of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      After all, you don\u2019t want to get caught inadvertently pushing away those who tell you the truth, creating a circle of yes-people who tell you only what you want to hear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Know why you dismiss feedback, first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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