{"id":304,"date":"2018-02-05T15:55:16","date_gmt":"2018-02-05T15:55:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/danielvlopes238992071.wordpress.com\/2018\/02\/05\/how-to-respond-to-the-negative-feedback-thats-most-frustrating-to-hear\/"},"modified":"2023-02-26T16:59:04","modified_gmt":"2023-02-27T00:59:04","slug":"how-to-respond-to-the-negative-feedback-thats-most-frustrating-to-hear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/2018\/02\/05\/how-to-respond-to-the-negative-feedback-thats-most-frustrating-to-hear\/","title":{"rendered":"How to respond to the negative feedback that\u2019s most-frustrating to hear"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Here are some sample responses to the 3 types of negative feedback that are most infuriating to hear.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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The feedback we receive can sometimes feel like bullshit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I recently spoke with a CEO who told me she received feedback from an employee who proclaimed, \u201cThis company doesn\u2019t care about parents.<\/em>\u201d The employee then proceeded to gripe about the lack of maternity and paternity benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Admittedly, the CEO agreed that the company\u2019s maternity and paternity leave policies could be improved\u2026 But she was livid about the broad accusation that \u201cthis company doesn\u2019t care about parents.<\/em>\u201d What an unfair generalization. The CEO was a parent, herself!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The CEO was conflicted about how to react to the feedback: She didn\u2019t want to come off as being defensive to her employee. But she also didn\u2019t want sweeping, inflammatory remarks to be seen as well-received by the employee. How was she supposed to take this feedback? It felt like bullshit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bullshit feedback usually comes in one of three forms\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The feedback is true\u200a\u2014\u200abut the delivery is off.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

(This is case of the CEO\u2019s situation I just described). The other person complains and makes it a bitch-session. Or she or he is overly snappy, harsh, and rude.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The feedback is flat-out untrue.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The other person doesn\u2019t have the full picture or was misinformed about something. Or she or he may even be lying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can\u2019t tell if the feedback is true or not.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The feedback is vague, unclear or supremely subjective. There aren\u2019t any examples or specifics to back up what she or he is saying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These three types of bullshit feedback\u200a\u2014\u200athe poorly delivered, the untrue, and the unclear\u200a\u2014\u200aare insanely frustrating to be on the receiving end. How in the world are you supposed to possibly receive them well?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Given that how you receive feedback as a leader sets the tone of openness and honesty in your company, this is especially challenging. If you dismiss the feedback too readily or respond negatively to it, you\u2019re likely to discourage that person (and the rest of your team) from ever voicing their honest opinion to you again. But, if the feedback goes completely unchecked, then untrue, rude, or vague feedback could become normalized, accepted behavior in your company.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What should you do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s exactly how you can receive each type of bullshit feedback well as a leader, and still encourage an open, honest company environment\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the feedback is flat-out untrue, say this:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThank you for letting me know. Can I think on what you shared, and get back to you?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we receive feedback that is inaccurate, misinformed (or even a straight-up lie), it\u2019s important to not just blurt out, \u201cI think you\u2019re wrong.\u201d Such a knee-jerk response\u200a\u2014\u200aeven if you are in the right\u200a\u2014\u200awill come across as defensive to the other person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, take a little time (be it 30 minutes, or a day or two) to verify that the feedback is indeed false, before letting that other person know. This way, you can first make sure you do have your facts straight, and more calmly point out and share why you think their feedback is untrue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may also want to acknowledge your own role in why they may have been misinformed, and how you could have contributed to the issue. Rarely does an employee independently give incorrect feedback (unless they are maliciously lying). Usually, as leaders, we haven\u2019t done our role well enough to shine a light on something\u200a\u2014\u200ahence their misinformed feedback.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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If the feedback is true, but poorly delivered, say this:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThank you for sharing what you think and feel. This is helpful for me, and I\u2019m going to think on and act on it right away. Also, not to detract from the merit of what you\u2019re saying\u200a\u2014\u200ain the future, it may be worth considering that you came across as ____ when delivering your feedback to me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone blows up at you or goes on a complaining rant, no matter how true the content of what their feedback may be to you\u200a\u2014\u200ayou\u2019ll want to make aware to the other person that their delivery was off. Again, to make sure you don\u2019t come across as defensive, you don\u2019t want to say: \u201cYou\u2019re a complainer\u201d or \u201cThat was rude.\u201d Instead, use this as an opportunity to coach them. Show you\u2019re not resentful by saying, \u201cnot to detract from the merit of what you\u2019re saying,\u201d and be forward-looking by saying \u201cin the future\u201d or \u201cnext time.\u201d You want this person to continue to speak up and give you their candid perspective\u2026 just not in how they delivered it. Communicate this to them calmly, kindly, and directly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you can\u2019t tell whether or not the feedback is true, ask these questions:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCan you give me an example of what you\u2019re talking about, just so I can better understand and improve for the future?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGoing forward, what\u2019s the one thing you\u2019d like to see done differently?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWas there a specific moment or occurrence that triggered what you\u2019re describing?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat would success look like to you in this situation?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unclear feedback is perhaps the most frustrating type of feedback to receive because it can feel like a waste of your time to try to unpack. Asking questions is the key to learning and getting to the truth of the feedback. Questions can also serve as guideposts to your employee, encouraging them to give you more clear, specific manner next time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Handling these three types of untrue, rude, and vague feedback require a bit of patience and self-discipline. Our natural reaction in our inner monologue (for instance, \u201cWTF?!\u201d) must be quelled and placed aside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How you handle bullshit feedback is a test for you as a leader. Handle it well, and you\u2019ll set an important precedent for your team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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