{"id":141,"date":"2018-09-27T15:31:41","date_gmt":"2018-09-27T15:31:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/danielvlopes238992071.wordpress.com\/2018\/09\/27\/five-ways-to-receive-critical-feedback-well-and-not-get-defensive\/"},"modified":"2024-07-12T12:21:29","modified_gmt":"2024-07-12T19:21:29","slug":"five-ways-to-receive-critical-feedback-well-and-not-get-defensive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/canopy.is\/blog\/2018\/09\/27\/five-ways-to-receive-critical-feedback-well-and-not-get-defensive\/","title":{"rendered":"Five ways to receive critical feedback well \u2014 and not get defensive."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Your reaction sets the tone in your company. Don\u2019t blow it by blowing up when you receive negative feedback from your team. Here\u2019s how.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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They\u2019re watching you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t mean to sound creepy. But it\u2019s something to come to terms with as a leader: Your team is<\/em> watching you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a leader, your actions set the example \u2014 especially, when it comes to creating an open, honest environment in the workplace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your employees are taking note: When someone offers a dissenting opinion, do you come off as annoyed and brush it aside? Or do you calmly listen and say, \u201cThank you, I\u2019ll consider that<\/em>\u201d?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How you receive feedback \u2014 especially negative feedback \u2014 sets the precedent for how welcome honest, forthcoming perspectives are in your company. Dismiss feedback on a whim or become overly defensive, and you\u2019re not likely to hear critical feedback from that person again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So how do you receive feedback well? Here are five things you can do\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Make empathy your mission.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHow could they be saying that?<\/em>\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not sure that\u2019s true\u2026<\/em>\u201d Ever catch yourself thinking that while someone is giving you negative feedback? One of the most common, immediate reactions to feedback is to evaluate what the other person is saying\u2026 often before the other person is even finished talking! How can we truly listen to feedback and take in the parts that may be valuable, if we\u2019re not completely listening to what\u2019s being said? To avoid this tendency to pre-judge feedback, make empathy your mission. Decide that your role in receiving feedback is simply to try to understand the other person. You don\u2019t need to obey or agree with them in that moment \u2014 just understand. Once you make empathy your mission, you\u2019ll be able to hear feedback for what it is: An opportunity to learn something, in some way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sit in silence for 3\u20134 seconds.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

To further mitigate your knee-jerk reaction to want to respond right away and offer a counterpoint, sit in silence for a few seconds after someone gives you a piece of feedback. While it might seem or feel unnatural initially, doing so gives you the space to digest what is being said, instead of superficially reacting to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Write it down.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Whether or not you are an avid note-taker by habit, bring a notebook the next time you\u2019re in a one-on-one meeting. Having a notebook or sheet of paper in front of you, ready to take notes, physically demonstrates to the other person that you\u2019re attentive to what they\u2019re saying. You\u2019re not thinking about what you\u2019re going to say next \u2014 you\u2019re intentionally trying to take in what they\u2019re saying, and process it thoughtfully.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Assume positive intent.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t get defensive. Getting defensive is the surest way to discourage someone from ever telling you their honest opinions in the future. The minute we become defensive is when we permanently dissuade the other person from ever bringing up feedback again. To overcome defensiveness, assume positive intent<\/a>. The reason why we often become defensive is we think that the person giving us feedback doesn\u2019t have our best intentions in mind \u2014 they\u2019re out to \u201cget us\u201d or have a separate agenda. When we choose to assume positive intent in the other person, that urge to become defensive melts away. We stop questioning the \u201cwhy\u201d behind the feedback and become more receptive to what\u2019s being said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Talk less.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The more talking you\u2019re doing, the less listening you\u2019re doing. So talk less. Talking less is the best way to show you\u2019re listening to the feedback you\u2019re receiving. Be conscious of your temptation to launch into full-on rebuttal mode, or to share your side of things. If you do feel compelled to say something, tell the other person, \u201cThank you \u2014 I\u2019m going to think about what you said. Do you <\/em>mind<\/em> if I get back to you by X date?<\/em>\u201d That way you give yourself more time to think about what you do want to say, and you\u2019re showing that you\u2019re listening by saying fewer things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, writing about \u201ctalking less\u201d is much easier to do than actually \u201ctalking less\u201d in practice. Particularly, in the heat of the moment, when someone is telling you something you don\u2019t want to hear, it is not easy to just shut up and listen to them \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To internalize these tactics, just try one. No need to go after all five. Pick one. Perhaps you try bringing a notebook to your next one-on-one meeting. Or remind yourself to assume positive intent the next time you read an email from an employee that contains some criticism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Regardless of which tactic you choose to try first, merely choosing<\/em> to try to receive feedback well in the first place is a significant, positive step toward building an open, honest company culture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your reaction to feedback is a test for you as a leader. What example will you set for your team of how critical or dissenting views will be handled?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember, they\u2019re watching.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\ud83d\udcaaOne of the best places to start receiving feedback better is during your one-on-one meetings. I<\/strong>f you haven’t already, you may want to check out our training program that gives you extensive guidances on how keep these meetings effective and a high-leverage use of everyone’s time.<\/strong> Sign up for Canopy<\/a><\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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